


One Step From The End

by Ispeachyless



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Hospitals, Other, Philosophy, Psychologists & Psychiatrists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:48:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27486784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ispeachyless/pseuds/Ispeachyless
Summary: After eleven years of medical study, Iwaizumi finally recieved his degree of Medicine, and proceeded to Bloomsvale Hospital for residency. Sudden shivers of nervousness traveled up his spine, his hands trembling as he fights down the thoughts flooding his mind.It's his first session. What if he fails this? Instead of guiding the patient to recovery, what if he makes it worse? Is he even competent enough to be a psychiatrist? His breath escapes him in a disappointed sigh. Can he even do this?





	One Step From The End

After eleven years of medical study, Iwaizumi finally recieved his degree of Medicine, and proceeded to Bloomsvale Hospital for residency. Sudden shivers of nervousness traveled up his spine, his hands trembling as he fights down the thoughts flooding his mind.  
It's his first session. What if he fails this? Instead of guiding the patient to recovery, what if he makes it worse? Is he even competent enough to be a psychiatrist? His breath escapes him in a disappointed sigh. Can he even do this?  
Iwaizumi examined the given data, his patient's name, her background, and a little data about the recent accident she been through. Then his eyes wandered around the patient's features, distinguishing and assessing her for further observation.  
Iwaizumi noticed the dreamy vacant expression in her eyes, her gaze shifting around nervously, so randomly, as she seems so distracted by something. It seems like there is something more interesting to her than him, her psychiatrist.  
Iwaizumi felt genuinely concern upon his assessment. It's seems like the patient is having a hard time concentrating and is in the state of being mentally disturbed and occupied. What should he do? What should he ask? How should he even start this?  
"How are you feeling?" Iwaizumi started, his mind fighting down the sudden rush of adrenaline in his veins, his hands trembling unsteadily at his clipboard.  
"I can't really describe it" She remarked.  
"There seems to be something that's distracting you?" He inquire.  
"So?" She replied, letting sarcasm seep into her words, she didn't like how the male tried to asked a question, he already knows.  
"Can you please explain?" He inquire again. In order for this session to be successful, he needs to get the the patient's cooperation, so he asked again, determined this time. "How are you feeling, right now?"  
She frowned, displaying her irritation, then she breaths a strong sigh. His orbs seemingly search deeply in her brown orbs before it glinted hopefully. He smiled in relief, she's more cooperative than he thought.  
"Unmotivated and tired, a bit of anger and frustration building up too, I guess" She uttered, in a low tremulous voice. "It was my fault that we were in that accident," His smile curved downwards as his eyebrows knitted in worry and concern. "And I don't know how to face it" Her words flitters away, sad and powerless.  
It seems like the patient is referring to that girl with her in the car crash, her best friend, perhaps. He took note of this as he continues to jot down notes on his clipboard, handwriting being illegible scratch.  
"I was glad that she was fine" The patient exclaimed. "But it's just that.." She purses her lips, her eyes were squeezed shut, as if she was suffering, overwhelmed with the terrible memories that had happen to her.  
"I just don't know how to face her, her parents too." She added, weakly "I don't even, have the courage to face them, either" her face scrunching as she spoke.  
Each word hits Iwaizumi with a measure force, he is fighting back the idea of overthinking in this situation, his eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. "Rather than asking yourself 'how', try asking yourself 'why'. Why exactly do you want to face her?" He asked, probing her to answer a rhetorical question.  
Her heart throbbed painfully as her eyes widened at his words. She tensed her shoulders as if a new weight was set again in her shoulders. Why? Isn't it supposed to be obvious? She thought, gathering her thoughts, yet again.  
"I wanna apologize to her, obviously." resentment flooding through her mind "I could have done things a bit better, but all I've done was screw up and I made her blind! I just destroyed her life."  
"Her sight might not be the same as the past, but that doesn't indicate that it's over for her," The friend might be derived from her sight, but she wasn't derived of her freedom to make a choice, to change the way she looks and lives at life. To choose one's own way.  
The patient tensed at the suddenness of his words, confusing her more, enough to shift her attention to him "This is different. It may not be over, but it's still different."  
"Okay" He hesitates at this, then shies away from the subject altogether. "What other choices do you have?"  
'It's still different', she pressed again, trying to control the frustration she felt, a heavy weight of guilt swelling down her heart. Does she even have a choice? To carry this guilt? To feel like this? Was there a choice?  
"Wouldn't everything end, if I just die?" The light of hope fading away from her face. Lowering her head as tears starts flowing down from her cheeks. "I couldn't live like this."  
The atmosphere changed quickly, causing Iwaizumi to adjust in his position, feeling uneasy and anxious, this is getting harder than he thought. The patient seems to dwell on these kinds of thoughts often, and he doesn't know what to do.  
In the back of his mind, he regretted getting through this, What if he fails? What if he makes it worse? He felt panic rising, something coming up that he couldn't keep down—  
"I wonder how wonderful life could be if that accident didn't happen, why is life so unfair?" The patient appealed as she was beginning to get frustrated.  
"Why do I have to be the one to carry this guilt?! It should have been me! Why am I even alive?!" She rasped, trying to control her breathing as the lump in her throat, threatens to choke her. "I'm worthless" She utters repeatedly.  
Think.  
He studied eleven years of medical study into this, he can't back down now. What can he do for her? he pause, lost for a moment in an old memory, recollecting what he have learned this past few years.  
Think.  
Questions filling his mind more than answers. Should he give her another question? an advice, perhaps?  
No.  
"Indeed," was all he could utter, as if, it approved something from his thoughts.  
"What?" The sudden weight of the words he said, envelops her. What did he meant?  
"Every moment in life is a wonder. In life, changes like this are indeed inevitable" He answered, "And your point is?" A tide of irritation against her companion swelling up in her, was that all?  
"My point is, negative feelings like this right now, are indeed normal— " He paused, considering his words " —but these feelings change, and these feelings shapes you to change too, and it's up to you what to make out of this" He says, forming each words slowly and thoughtfully. "It's seems like you have a high expectations for yourself, like you seem to view all you've done as something, 'useless?'"  
"Sounds kinda ridiculous isn't?" The patient shakes her head at the thought of going through life like this, shape her for what? live through life for what? her eyes glossy with shed tears. Her life is over.  
"Do you have a clear sense of where your life is going?" He asked. There was a moment of silence as they looked into each other's eyes. His question whirls in her mind combining with the past memory, haunting her, as if it's materializing itself in her mind. Her vision swims with tears.  
"You can let it all out."  
~  
"See ya next week!" She utters firmly, as she leaves the room. The patient was cooperative throughout the whole session and seems like in the process of recovering. Iwaizumi smiled upon his recent assessment and took a glance over the patient.  
Her face brightening at the sight of another brunette, hints of a smile creeping onto her face, as if the other brunette was her light in the shallow darkness she is in. Oikawa, perhaps? Her brother? The patient finally closed the door, leaving the room to Iwaizumi, himself.  
"Too much overthinking for a first day, isn't?"  
He drew a long sigh, letting his shoulders slump in his chair, then runs a hand wearily through his styled hair. He felt the air return to his lungs, as if a boulder had lifted itself off from his chest. His heart beating in hammering beats, like he can't help but want to go for more. It took him eleven years, it took him countless obstacles and setbacks to be here.  
The burden of the past still weighting down his shoulders, sleepless nights, broken relationships, and the stressful hours he went through just to get here. Somewhere in the back of his mind he kept asking himself: Is this even worth it?  
'It is' and it took him eleven years to realize it too.  
The idea of moving forward might be hard, sounds kinda ridiculous to some, but it's by building on these positive remedies in life that one can take on positive responses with a definite plan, to search answers to questions, to recognize meaning in experiences, and to define oneself. Who am I? and who have I been waiting to become?

**Author's Note:**

> This is revision of my first work, under a different reference which is Victor Frankl's: Man's search for meaning. I did a lot research(CBT and stuff), although I wasn't actually able to extract everything from the reference, and research because this was meant to be a short one shot, and not longer than that. I am not a psychiatrist, this is just a mere fiction just to express a certain message 
> 
> "He who has a reason to live can bear almost any means of living"  
> \- Nietzsche


End file.
